What began as a “harmless little tumbleweed of fuzz” behind a laundromat on North Avenue has, according to municipal engineers, achieved sentience, mild political opinions, and a hunger for unmatched footwear.
By Tuesday, the lint ball — now answering to Gary — had absorbed two recycling bins, a motivational poster, and an entire drawer of gym socks from a nearby apartment complex. Residents describe a low, mournful hum, like a dryer running on sins.
Emergency services recommend:
- Do not make eye contact with Gary.
- Do not offer single socks as tribute “just to see what happens.”
- Do report orphaned hosiery to Sock Widow for safe relocation.
Milwaukee may rebuild. Your sock drawer can too. Start with one brave adoption.
Gary has my respect and my left wool sock. We do not speak of the right one.
This is why we need a Lint Commissioner. Write your representative.